I want to have your abortion
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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