in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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