She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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