I heard we made out
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
