We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
