Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
