Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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