I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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