I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
