I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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