my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
