They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
