Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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