am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
