the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
