brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
