very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
