theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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