sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
