when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
