Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
