Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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