Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
