who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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