Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
