Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
