I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
