We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
