So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just cut my nipple shaving
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
