ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
