I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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