you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
