Kiss
Puke
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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