I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
