That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
