peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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