I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
