you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
