i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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