Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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