i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
