my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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