I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
