This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
