Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
