I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
