dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
