Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
