you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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