can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
