i wish my penis had a tongue
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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