just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
